I’ve become just like B in this story. Fking hell. It hurts one thousand times more when you’re the one that does it.

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I kinda miss being the person I was when I posted some of these things here. Or have I really changed? I might still be that person, with most of her obsession, hope, sorrow, and anger redirected to something that wasn’t really there before.


I will definitely miss you guys ☺️ (ugh actually no I wanna get the fuck out of here as soon as possible, in the speed of light if I can help it. There aren’t many things that I actually regret, but taking a class with these people? Not a fking chance.

I suddenly remembered that one person I met one month ago who’s so good looking, and smart, apparently. I know I need to get my ass moving so that I can be like them. But HOW?



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I’m like, the perfectest exemplar of imposter syndrome ever and I knew it. It’s exactly like drowning: you’re suffocating and suffering from knowing you’re suffocating and being unable to do anything about it.

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I felt that application was like a treasonous gesture now that I know he really thinks that I can do something great. I am afraid that my performance during the interview might have disappointed him (or at least his protege).

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I kinda have this impression... but really, I don’t deserve compliments like that. I don’t think I deserved that after one disastrous presentation. How can anyone have so much faith in me? I don’t understand, but I’m so grateful.

I don’t know what to say. Can’t be more grateful.

至于我导,我导从不表露自己的态度。做得好,I’m good with what you have;做得不好,一句话也没有。不过我觉得他下学期末应该意识到我大概率要跑路的,就算不改跟我mp方向的教授也会跑去别的学校……所以也就没有很在意系里是否给我钱。随便吧,就算之前没带过,他也应该清楚硕士生流动性大。


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过了将近三个月后,我终于明白我申请我教授学生所在的项目他是什么心态了😂 “说了可以继续跟我干还不愿意,居然想跑去跟我学生??”

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